For the last several days, I've tried to eulogize my mother, but the words just wouldn't come.  All I could seem to write was a rigid biography of her life and that is not what I wanted to convey.  I needed to find a way to let my mother, lovingly known as Baba to her family, the things that I neglected to tell her during her life on this Earth.  I found this task nearly impossible because she encompassed true graciousness and I found it impossible to put that into words.  So instead, I sat down and wrote Baba a letter, telling her things that I should have told her when she was here with us on Earth.  I want to share this letter with you with the hope that it will, in some small way, tell all of you what a great soul my mother was and how much I admired and adored her.

Dear Baba,

Today I stand here with disbelief that you are gone from this Earth.  For the first time in my life, I find myself speechless, which, as you know so well, is so uncharacteristic of me.  You passed on to me my strong will, which has always allowed me to passionately speak my mind.  But in losing you, I find myself unable to find the words to flow out of me.  But I need to say some things, which I hope will help me to cope with the loss of you.   

It is nearly impossible to put into words what you meant to me, our family and all of those that you cared about.  Your suffering and pain are no more and I thank God for that; however losing you has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled.  You instilled into me your deep faith in our Lord, Jesus Christ, and because of that, I know that somehow I will find my way in this world without you.  It won't be easy for me, nor will it be easy for Dawn or Donna.  We all loved you so much, but we couldn't bear to see you suffer.  Our pain is eased only because we know in our hearts that you are now in eternal paradise, reunited with daddy.  I can see in my mind's eye, the two of you, hand in hand, soaring through heaven together.  That brings me solace and peace.

After daddy died, you lived with the deepest sorrow imaginable, yet you never allowed your grief to overtake your love for your family - your broken heart and sorrow empowered you to dedicate your life to your family.  You could have easily withdrawn yourself from us, yet you took your pain and turned it into unconditional love. Through the years your love grew stronger and you showed the world, through your acts of kindness, what a wonderful soul you had.

How can I possibly thank you for all that you did for me? You were always there to help me and give me advice.  You were the one that I always looked to when I was facing adversity and you always found a way to help me when things went wrong and I felt that the world was falling apart around me.  You never judged me for the decisions I made, and when I made mistakes and wrong decisions, you were always there to pick up the pieces and make my world right again.

Your devotion to our family did not go unnoticed.  I may not have told you, but I will be forever grateful for all that you did for me.  You instilled in me the most important values a person can have - deep faith in God, respect, giving to others without expecting anything in return and to love unconditionally.  You showed me, by example, how to be the best mother I could be to Robert John.  It is because of you that I am able to express my love to him, to guide and protect him, yet allow him to be his own person.  He loves you so much and he is lost without you.  I promise to keep your memory alive in my heart and his, and this will allow us to lead our lives in a way in which you would be proud.

I am so sorry for all of your suffering, yet once again, during your time on Earth, you turned your suffering into love.  No matter the pain you endured, you were always there for me, Dawn, Donna, your grandchildren, your parents, your sister and brothers and the rest of our family.  You pushed through your pain to give us wonderful memories that shall be cherished forever.  

You always encouraged me to reach for the stars and follow my dreams and I promise to do that.  I know that when times get tough, and I find myself lost, all I need to do is look into my heart and I will hear your voice telling me that all will be ok.  I know that you and Rye are looking down on us and will forever watch over us. Your spirit will live on forever and I will do whatever it takes to keep our family together, because I know that keeping our family close is what you would want.

And here is a short poem that I hope will tell what you meant to us all.

You were there when we needed you
You called us several times a day
Your gave us love and support
In your own most special way
And now though we are grieving
We want you to understand
That we'll not forget your kindness
How you lent that helping hand.
Mothers like you are very precious
And today it is my prayer
That God will bless you for your kindness
And keep you in his care.

I love you mom, and I promise to be the person you always wanted me to be, to be the best mother possible to Robert John, and to carry on your legacy of love and devotion.

I will miss you every day I have left on this Earth.

With all my love,

Your debba